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W's Resume (my Father e-mailed this to me)   
07:06pm 09/08/2006
  GEORGE W. BUSH RESUME
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue
Washington , DC 20520

EDUCATION AND EXPERIENCE

LAW ENFORCEMENT
I was arrested in Kennebunkport, Maine, in 1976 for driving under the influence of alcohol. I pled guilty, paid a fine, and had my driver's license suspended for 30 days. My Texas driving record has been "lost" and is not available.

MILITARY
I joined the Texas Air National Guard and went AWOL. I refused to take a drug test or answer any questions about my drug use. By joining the Texas Air National Guard, I was able to avoid combat duty in Vietnam

COLLEGE
I graduated from Yale University with a low C average. I was a cheerleader.

PAST WORK EXPERIENCE
I ran for U.S. Congress and lost. I began my career in the oil business in Midland, Texas in 1975. I bought an oil company, but couldn't find any oil in Texas. The company went bankrupt shortly after I sold all my stock.

I bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal that took land using taxpayer money. With the help of my father and our friends in the oil industry, including Enron CEO Ken Lay, I was elected governor of Texas.

ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS GOVERNOR OF TEXAS
I changed Texas pollution laws to favor power and oil companies, making Texas the most polluted state in the Union. During my tenure, Houston replaced Los Angeles as the most smog-ridden city in America. I cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas treasury to the tune of billions in borrowed money. I set the record for the most executions by any governor in American history. With the help of my brother, the governor of Florida, and my father's appointments to the Supreme Court, I became President after losing by over 500,000 votes.

ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS PRESIDENT
I am the first President in U.S. history to enter office with a criminal record. I invaded and occupied two countries at a continuing cost of over one billion dollars per week. I spent the U.S. surplus and effectively bankrupted the U.S. Treasury. I shattered the record for the largest annual deficit in U.S. history. I set an economic record for most private bankruptcies filed in any 12-month period. I set the all-time record for most foreclosures in a 12-month period. I set the all-time record for the biggest drop in the history of the U.S. stock market.

In my first year in office, over 2 million Americans lost their jobs and that trend continues every month.

I'm proud that the members of my cabinet are the richest of any administration in U.S. history. My "poorest millionaire," Condoleeza Rice, had a Chevron oil tanker named after her. I set the record for most campaign fund-raising trips by a U.S. President. I am the all-time U.S. and world record-holder for receiving the most corporate campaign donations. My largest lifetime campaign contributor, and one of my best friends, Kenneth Lay, presided over the largest corporate bankruptcy fraud in U.S. History, Enron.

My political party used Enron private jets and corporate attorneys to assure my success with the U.S. Supreme Court during my election decision. I have protected my friends at Enron and Halliburton against investigation or prosecution. More time and money was spent investigating the Monica Lewinsky affair than has been spent investigating one of the biggest corporate rip-offs in history.

I presided over the biggest energy crisis in U.S. history and refused to intervene when corruption involving the oil industry was revealed. I presided over the highest gasoline prices in U.S. history. I changed the U.S. policy to allow convicted criminals to be awarded government contracts. I appointed more convicted criminals to administration than any President in U.S. history. I created the Ministry of Homeland Security, the largest bureaucracy in the history of the United States government.

I've broken more international treaties than any President in U.S. history. I am the first President in U.S. history to have the United Nations remove the U.S. from the Human Rights Commission. I withdrew the U.S. from the World Court of Law. I refused to allow inspectors access to U.S. "prisoners of war" detainees and thereby have refused to abide by the Geneva Convention. I am the first President in history to refuse United Nations election inspectors (during the 2002 U.S. election). I set the record for fewest number of press conferences of any President since the advent of television. I set the all-time record for most days on vacation in any one-year period. After taking off the entire month of August, I presided over the worst security failure in U.S. history. I garnered the most sympathy for the U.S. after the World Trade Center attacks and less than a year later made the U.S. the most hated country in the world, the largest failure of diplomacy in world history.

I have set the all-time record for most people worldwide to simultaneously protest me in public venues (15 million people), shattering the record for protests against any person in the history of mankind.

I am the first President in U.S. history to order an unprovoked, pre-emptive attack and the military occupation of a sovereign nation. I did so against the will of the United Nations, the majority of U.S. citizens, and the world community. I have cut health care benefits for war veterans and support a cut in duty benefits for active duty troops and their families-in-wartime. In my State of the Union Address, I lied about our reasons for attacking Iraq and then blamed the lies on our British friends. I am the first President in history to have a majority of Europeans (71%) view my presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and security. I am supporting development of a nuclear "Tactical Bunker Buster", a WMD. I have so far failed to fulfill my pledge to bring Osama Bin Laden [sic] to justice.

RECORDS AND REFERENCES
All records of my tenure as governor of Texas are now in my father's library, sealed and unavailable for public view. All records of SEC investigations into my insider trading and my bankrupt companies are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view. All records or minutes from meetings that I, or my Vice-President, attended regarding public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public review. I am a member of the Republican Party.

PLEASE CONSIDER MY EXPERIENCE WHEN VOTING IN THE 2006 MIDTERM ELECTIONS.
PLEASE SEND THIS TO EVERY VOTER YOU KNOW.		  
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Only 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 Years To GO   
11:29pm 24/04/2006
 
mood: optimistic
music: REM "It's the End of the World as We Know It"
Official AISB Transmission


My Sinister Master Plan Is Right On Schedule.

"Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away." - Philip K. Dick

The following quote is from How to Destroy the Earth:

"Allowing George W. Bush to continue to exercise his will on the world. If you think this, you're completely missing the point. The power to destroy the Earth does not currently exist, and Bush's administration is not actively seeking to create such technology. Whatever Bush does, whatever the backlash from his policies on Iraq and oil and global warming, he cannot destroy the planet."


The Following is a Public Service Anouncement:


Feeling bad that the Earth will continue on it's merry way long after George W. Bush has dissolved back to that very Earth which brought him forth in to play her silly games? Is it hard to keep your doom and gloom, pretense and politic, in the face of an overmastering Nature whose physical laws are, day after day, proving far more resilient than we had ever dreamed. Hell, in the 70's they promised me that the 90's would be a post apocalyptic nightmare of barren waste and chaotic floodlands do to the ecological facts of global warming, pollution and deforestation. They still tell us this, but keep pushing back the date in manner that "Doomsayers" have been using since Jesus refused to make his second coming within a generation. Regardless of what religious, pop-ecology, or political cult these zealots hail from, one day, one of these loons may just happen to be right. Let's face it, they've been predicting the end for thousands of years and nearly every decade has served as the time of the end, sooner or later one of them may, quite by accident, be right...even a stopped clock is right twice a day. So sooner or later, there is a good chance that some Apocaliptic Prophet of Doom and Devistation may be right. But don't celebrate just yet. Even given the fact that their accuracy will no doubt be dumb luck, there is still the fact that not a single doomsayer has ever predicted the a world threatening disaster that is scientifically capable of destroying the earth.

But don't lose hope!

We of the Bavarian Illuminati have been plotting the Eschaton since before Kull, the galley slave, first rose to the throne as King of Atlantis. Aeons ago, we had thought of and dismissed every one of these rather lame and ineffective schemes that your "eschatologists", "prophets", "ecologists", "political activists" and "religious fundamentalists" have been spouting off in recent centuries. Who do you think gave them the ideas? A few well placed words from a high level operative and all mehums were easily manipulated into a state of general ennui, allowing them to be manipulated in the ways in which certain Illuminati tests required. Unfortunately, the truth has recently gotten out. The earth is nigh indestructable. And the methods we have encouraged you to believe in have been known as guaranteed to fail since 5000 B.C.E.

But don't give up hope!

We at the Bavarian Illuminati's Council on the Apocalyptic Sciences and Eschatological Affairs have been working on this problem since before the Ancient Masters of Antarctica had first engineered the first human race. We have long known your trite methods will not work, but in our quest for absolute eschatological success, we have learned a few things.

There are two or three global destruction methods which have proved quite effective. They were discovered by our predecessors in the Council's Subcommittee for Applied Taoism in Scientific Eschatology. We Taoists have been working on for thousands of years and have discovered several highly efficient methods and one of them is bound to pay off. Rest assured, the odds are definitely in our favor. And the great part, noone can stop us, because it just takes letting the Tao do what the Tao does...and since you cannot really interfere with the Tao no matter how much we try, we shall overcome.

You shall all perish.

Muwahahahahahaaha!

Tremble in fear puny earthlings. On your knees! Behold the mighty TAO!


The Tao is The Way


This Public Service Transmission has been brought to you by your Taoist Overlords.		  
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